Confessions of an Angel
by iAmBlack-Heart
Summary: A series of short entries from Erebus' point of view following Kalona's fall from grace, based around how I envision the golden winged immortal.
1. I

"_I don't know what do. Everywhere I go, I feel them staring watching, judging me. I cannot run from it, from their eyes. I can't help but sense, that every time they look at me, all they can think about is him. They look up to me as their… protector, like we are equal, but yet they fear me, fear what I may turn into. They act differently around me, they speak delicately to me, as if they fear I will snap. But I am not like that… I will never be like that."_

"_I think of him often, think about what I could have possibly done to prevent this. I fear things will never be the same… our greatest defender, no matter how flawed he may have been, is gone… and all they have now… is me. But I am no warrior, never… have I ever even picked up a weapon. It's not in me, it never was. It was always him… But he is gone now… all they have is me…. but I fear…. I may not be enough."_

"_The darkness returned. I had hoped, I prayed it would leave with him, now that it had, had it's fun…. but I was wrong…. so very wrong. The people…. how they screamed, how they cried for me…. for my help…. But I'm not him, I'm not strong, or brave, I don't know what I'm doing. They look for me for guidance, but how can I help them, when I can't even help myself."_

"_I watch him often, I watch what he does. That's not my brother, I know it isn't…. not him. I don't blame Kalona… no… I blame the darkness….. I will destroy that evil force."_

"_She won't stop crying… She's crying because of him. She cries for him, for the person he has turned into. I can't help her… I'm not enough. I'm not him. She will never love me like she loves him… that I accepted long ago… but it breaks my heart, knowing I cannot comfort her. That I am not what she needs"_


	2. II

"_She watches him, consistently. No matter how much I tell her not to, she still does. It's breaking her, little by little…. I hate him…. He hurt her, he continues to hurt her. What kind of monster would hurt the most important thing in their lives."_

"_I cannot comfort her. Oh how I have tried, endlessly trying to ease her pain, her heart ache…. but I cannot. I am not him. She wants him. I am not enough to fill that void in her heart. I don't know what to do…. What do you do, when your entire purpose has been destroyed. I can't make her happy, for the first time in our lives…. I…. I am not enough." _

"_It this what it is like to be consumed by an emotion, to be driven mad by it…. Is this what Kalona suffered though… how do I find strength, when it feels like all life has been drained out of me. I owe him an apology."_

"_She watches him, she sees what he is doing, all those people he has hurt… those poor women. She cries for the damned souls of his children, and I can only stand here and watch… from a distance, praying time will take away all this pain. Oh how I long to see her smile again… like she so long ago."_

"_Let the darkness return. I may not be a warrior, nor do I know what I am doing, but that doesn't mean I won't try. I will fight, I will protect. I will fight to the death…. at least then I shall die with a purpose, with honor, I will have something to my name. Let the darkness come… I will be waiting."_


	3. III

"_I sense it. I know it… it's here. I can't see it, but I feel it. Shadows stir in the corner of my vision, like it's waiting, watching, but there is never anything there. It is starting to cloud my mind, consume my thoughts… every whisper, every breeze… is this how Kalona felt, always on guard. I can see now… how easily that would drive a person insane. I am starting to fear for my own sanity…."_

"_The first death occurred today. I saw it happen, and I was powerless to stop it. Her screams will forever haunt me. I tried, but I couldn't save her… because I wasn't enough. I heard the darkness laugh, I know I did, it was amused, it was pleased…. then it left… I feel like it took a piece of me with it."_

"_She is lost without him, my lady, my dearest companion, I feel her drifting away without him… no matter how many times I reach, it seems I'm not strong enough, not enough to pull her back. She wants him… Why? Why wish for the creature who has caused so much pain… I need to be more like him… make her happy… keep my distance…."_

"_I spent more and more time away from her. Distract myself, keep my mind, my body busy, as it is so hard not to go running back to comfort her. I have better… more important matters to attend to now… I must be ready, I must be prepared. I am all they have now… I will not let them down anymore."_

"_He is not coming back. Every time I watch him it gets worse… he is losing himself, every part of him that once made him our greatest hero, crumbling away with every passing day. She fear he may never return… But I refuse to give up hope, she doesn't understand him like me… I know there is good in there, I feel it, I sense it, through the very link that connects us, the link he had long since shunned. I will not give up. He will be home…. one day… He will find his way home."_


	4. IV

"_The aching and pain of my body helps to calm the storm inside my mind. Engaged in friendly combat, one by one my opponents fall, and with everyone, I grow more and more prepared. I will not give up, I will fight until I can no longer think, until my body gives out on me… I don't care how much I bleed…. how broken I feel… no one will suffer because of incompetence again."_

"_I fear I have made a mistake. She is lost without him… but is utterly broken without me. For an eternity I have walked by her side, her closest friend, much to his disapproval, but how could I possibly leave her in such a time. I was horribly misguided, I see that now… I cannot keep away, I am not him. Right now, more than anything… she needs a friend, she needs me."_

"_Little by little, the darkness returns, but now, I am ready for it. It sends creatures, beings to do it's bidding, and I am waiting for them all. Though my training has conditioned my body and strengthened my mind, I do not enjoy the fighting, the killing… but I understand that it is what must be done."_

"_It is not easy, going against my very nature… at times I fear it is all getting too much… too hard. But they… the people, the fey, my goddess… they strengthen me. Seeing them safe and happy… what more could I possibly ask for."_

"_It is over… my brothers terror and control has finally come to an end. The humans, wise and desperate… have put an end to it all. The world is safe from my brothers madness and anger, if only for a while. I feel like I can finally breathe… though my heart aches for my brother, that chapter of my life is over…Let him rest, let him, hopefully, find some sort of peace. The struggle is not over…whatever may happen in the future, I will deal with then, but for now... the burden of my brother no longer weighs on my soul, or clouds my mind."_

"_The darkness lingers on the borders of the shadows, as it always will… if it dears rear it's head, I will be waiting for it. I am not my brother, but in the time since his fall I have become a worthy replacement. No I am not him… but I don't need to be. I will fight with every fragment of my heart. I may blunder, I may disappoint every now and then, but I give my oath, my vow, that I will keep the realm and it's people safe, and I will continue to do so until the day my brother comes returns home. Returns to all his former glory, and more. Until then, I will stand by my goddesses side, her friend, her playmate… and her warrior."_


End file.
